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DA: Inquisition characters as John Mulaney quotes


Cassandra:  “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.” 

Iron Bull: “And she said this totally unprompted. ‘Eat ass, suck a dick and sell drugs.’ It wasn’t like I had paused in front of her and been like, ‘What should I do with my life?’ So, I walk away from her with this to-do list. And I like structure, I like a to-do list. It did dawn on me that that list of things does get better as it goes along, when you really think about it. ‘Cause it starts in a pretty rough place. It starts with just about the worst task a to-do list can start with. But by the end, you have your own small business. And isn’t that the American dream when all’s said and done?”

Blackwell:  “The butt part of my pants is damp a lot. I don’t think it’s anything serious, but isn’t it, though? I’ll be in a restaurant and I’ll get up and be like, ‘What did I sit in?’ And it was me.”

Sera:  “Sometimes babies will point at me. And I don’t care for that shit at all.”

Solas: “So I said no. Y’know, like a liar.” 

Varric: “I don’t know what my body is for, other than just taking my head from room to room.” 

Cole: “I always thought that quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be.”  

Vivienne:  “I don’t care for these new Nazis and you can quote me on that.”

Dorian: “I don’t know if he was discouraging me from being gay or encouraging me to be a classical composer, but that is how he thought to phrase it to a 12-year-old boy. How would that ever work? Like, years later, I’d be in college, about to go down on some rockin’ twink and I’d be like, ‘Wait a second. What would Leonard Bernstein do?’ I never talked to my dad about that, but I figured I’d tell all of you.”

Cullen:  “Look, I don’t know never! Fourteen years ago I smoked cocaine the night before my college graduation; now I’m afraid to get a flu shot! People change!”

Josephine:  “So there’s no toilets, and I know that was on your list.  But I think I can get them to budge. Let’s go.”

Leliana:  “College is just your opinion.  Just you raising your hand and being like, ‘I think Emily Dickinson’s a lesbian.’ And they’re like ‘Partial credit.’ And that’s the whole thing.” 

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